


Bad Bad Things

by Switchadelphia (PumpkinHeadJones)



Series: Switchie's Shorts [1]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Dark Humor, Ficlet, M/M, Male Slash, Marijuana, Serial Killers, Ted Bundy - Freeform, creepy Dennis is creepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7113388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinHeadJones/pseuds/Switchadelphia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you think, if I were a serial killer, I would get a lot of fan mail?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Bad Things

“Do you think, if I were a serial killer, I would get a lot of fan mail?”

Mac freezes, the blunt pinched between his fingers lifted halfway to his pursed lips. He wants to say, “Shut up,” or, “That’s a fucked-up question to ask,” or, “Please don’t kill anyone, Dennis.” Instead, he says,

“Come again?”

“Ted Bundy got a shit-ton of love letters from female fans after he got caught,” Dennis explains, leaning back against the concrete wall in the alleyway behind Paddy’s. He gestures at Mac to hurry it up with the blunt. “Marriage proposals, nude photos, hell, he even got married.”

“Dude, what’s your point?” Mac asks between coughs. Dennis looks all shifty-eyed and bashful, which usually means he’s about to say something particularly heinous.

“Nothing, just that, you know,” he mutters, peaking up at Mac through his eyelashes as he accepts the blunt, “if I ever became a serial killer, do you think I would have a lot of fans like that?” Mac isn’t sure what Dennis thinks would be a good answer to that, so he says nothing. Dennis presses on. “I mean, I’m at least as charming and attractive as Ted Bundy is, right? I could probably beat him, couldn’t I?”

“Beat him how, exactly?” Mac asks after a tense pause. “Like, beat him by getting more fans than him, or beat him by killing more victims?”

Dennis hesitates. “Both. Wait, no, just the first one.”

Mac’s pulse quickens. He wants to say, “Why would you even care?” or, “Those crazy bitches wouldn’t really know you the way I know you,” or, “For the love of Christ, Dennis, take your fucking meds.” Instead, he says,

“I don’t know Den, Ted Bundy was a total beefcake.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on 24 March 2016.
> 
> Send me requests.


End file.
